To my girls,

The little ones aren’t so little anymore these days.

They don’t ask me for cereal or chocolate milk in the morning,

Or to do their hair in pigtails parted exactly down the middle despite the cowlicks.

I don’t get to match their outfits to their bows,

Or to one another.

They don’t run to me to settle arguments over Barbie dolls or to tie shoelaces.

They don’t run to me at all anymore.

They run in different directions,

Both headed straight for the sun.

Year by year, we find ourselves elsewhere.

Away from the cold marble tiles.

Deeper and deeper, we plummet into the valleys of life.

Away from snakes that only bite.

Further and further, we drift from the pain.

I see them from time to time,

Holding onto each moment like it is my last.

Life hasn’t been kind.

To any one of us.

So, I cling to what is there,

What is left.

I hope they know that I miss the noise,

As they giggled over DS screens,

As they bickered over plates of chicken nuggets,

As they screamed so loud it shook the hollow doors

Just because they were excited over the little things.

The little things.

The ones that grumpy teenagers discount.

Pockets of memories, snippets of an image,

They tuck themselves away until they quickly reveal themselves.

I feel them in my chest and sometimes my eyes swell.

Life will feed itself to both of you,

Sweets coated in laughter,

Pickled things coated in that hot sauce you love.

I hope every bite finds you well.

I pray they come at times when you are ready to eat,

When the coffee table is just the right distance from the couch,

When the cartoons are loud enough to drown out any yelling,

When the conditions are just right so that it doesn’t make you sick to swallow.

And I know they will.

They will because one of you grew big glittery wings,

The other a pointed horn, right in the middle of your forehead.

Proud isn’t quite the word,

I think it is impressed.

By every beautiful thing my little ones do.

Love doesn’t feel like the word either.

It doesn’t feel big enough.

But I will use it for now,

In every single moment.

Thank you for the lessons that only sisterhood could teach.

I know now how important it is to watch you both grow,

And no matter where you are in the world,

No matter what,

I love being your big sister.

I love you both always,

 Desi